He rose from his deep slumber, aghast at what he saw. For his dream had finally transformed into a reality. You see, he went to sleep last night, wishing and vying for it all to be over, and unfortunately or rather fortunately it actually did. The stressors of his modern office had burdened him beyond repair, for he doesn’t even have a name anymore, he is simply ‘he’ and will be referred to as such moving further. Like millions of white collared MBAs, ‘he’ went to sleep almost every day wishing for it all to be over. ‘He’ had it all, the big house and an expensive SUV, but still a personified sad face emoji. ‘He’ was wishing “for it all to be over”, but never had he been deluded enough to believe that it would actually be over one day. It was just a part of his daily routine, to sob a bit late at night and then ask for it all to be over, every corporate employee does this once in a while, you know. Just like they all have a resignation letter lying dormant in the drafts section of their Email, never to be glanced upon by another living soul. Even though he claimed to be religious, his rational side told him that God just can’t be true.
So ‘he’ kissed the night fairy and went to sleep like every other day, everything seeming the same. But this time God had had enough of his late night bitching. God was annoyed as hell. ‘He’ prayed “Oh god, please end it all, alleviate me of this mundane misery”. God had been ignoring his pleas for the past couple of years and had grown rather indifferent. But last night God lost his cool, God was like “man damn, can’t a brother live with peace without moaning needlessly, there are kids in India dying of hunger and this bitch is crying, man damn”. Imagine that to be in Samuel L. Jackson’s voice. He (assuming God is a man) thought “why must I make a man live pointlessly, if he’s had enough, I must set him free”, but we all are aware of God’s mysterious or rather mischievous ways and so God decided that he will end it all, but not ‘him’, for ‘he’ thinks that everything that is wrong with the world is external, and so if I end it all but let him be, he must be sufficiently ecstatic.
And so he woke up the following day, wide awakened by the sight of his surroundings or the lack of it. Since God had ended it all, ‘he’ woke up on the ground, since beds are part of ‘things’, you know. He rushed out to the main street, wearing nothing but a pair of slippers (not to worry, since no one was there to see him naked). You see God had taken away everything, but had left behind a few things of the convenient nature, like trees and fruits and flowers, rivers for ‘his’ fluid intake, and the sun for Vitamin D.
‘He’ went rather crazy at this scathing display of ‘nothing’. No family, no friends, no jobs, no nothing. He thought, “I could go and start living in the Taj Mahal for god’s sake and no one would bat an eye”, and he was right. No nations, no governments, no laws, well barring the laws of nature. A heart attack would still kill you. He thought “no hunting, no gathering, no nations, no race, and heaven is closer than those tears on my face”.
‘He’ went irate over the coming days, or informally, he was going nuts, realizing that being able to do whatever the hell one wants to do isn’t precisely the greatest thing after all. He thought, “wish I was more articulate during my wishes”, for he had all the luxuries in the world. He was living in the Taj Mahal, eating berries and cashew nuts. But life still seemed meaningless. God was having a great time, seeing his shenanigans down below (assuming god does actually live in the sky).
Precisely 2 months later, ‘He’ begged God, bent on his knees, “oh God, please bring everything back, and take me away”. God relented and gave him exactly what he wanted this time. God didn’t want to be as semantic as last time and was rather lenient this time. So ‘he’ went to sleep this time and didn’t actually wake up, for ‘he’ finally understood after a life devoid of all stressors was still pain, and that as long as ‘he’ exists, so will pain and suffering, ‘his’ problem isn’t what’s happening outside, but what’s happening within.
God then proceeded to have fun with his next prey, a young woman praying for a nice fella to marry, God did this while sipping his Cappuccino with relative ease and a grin wider than the Grand Canyon.
FIN.
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